"That must be Nigel with the brie!" -10 Things I Hate About You

So I told Cathy that when I first saw her in Paris she best have brie cheese, a baguette, a beret and a fake mustache or our friendship would be at risk. I really wanted to say, "Oh that must be Cathy with the brie!" But that hoe fell through on all accounts. Except for the mustache. It was ok that it wasn't movie quality, at least she showed up with one of the things on the list. And besides, I was just way too happy to be reunited with my lesbefriend at long last! 

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? 

We got in to Paris in the morning on Friday. It was a trip planned through the USD program and there were 18 girls who went. Lian, Jax and I dropped our bags in our hotel rooms and then immediately went out to meet Cathy. We got a little lost trying to find the metro so we stopped this elderly man and asked him if he could help us find it. By ask  I mean we attempted to say metro in a questioning tone with a French accent. Once he understood what we were saying he took us to the metro stop, instead of just telling us how to get there, which was about 10 min walk away. He was super sweet but liked to talk to us in French. None of us speak any French. We could understand some words from knowing Spanish, but that was about it. We just smiled and nodded a lot. Once we got there he pointed out and then peaced out so fast we didn't even have time to thank him! So I will thank him here. Thank you old man, you saved us a lot of time and struggle!

Never even got his name, but
thanks! 

We got off the metro at the stop Cathy told us to and then waited at the corner while I called her. Cathy said she was on the way, and as I was on the phone describing where I was I saw this girl with brown hair on the phone walk right past us. I only saw the back of her head but I told Cathy to turn around. Sure enough, the girl turned around and it was Cathy. She had almost walked into us and had no idea. Special friend moment. We had our reunion and she showed me her mustache and life was great. Then Cathy went and showed us "the big fucking building." I'm still not quite sure what the real name of the building it but it was pretty. Cathy then told me that Kyle and Katie were in town. That little tool hadn't told me. Well he said he might be, but with him might is always a no so I assumed he wasn't there. Once I got over my fake anger of not being informed of his presence I got really excited to see him for more than just a night.

The Big Fucking Building

After we saw the building we wandered and went to Notre Dame, saw the lock bridge and then got our first crepes of the weekend. The lock bridge is this bridge that people put locks on (duh) and you get a lock with your significant other, write both your names on it, lock it to the bridge, and then throw the key into the river to show that you'll be together forever. Cathy and were going to do it but ran out of time. It's ok, we don't need no lock to show our love. 

Notre Dame, and our best bud Quasi

First crepe! Key word: First 

lock bridge

After we ate we went to some shops and got some cute clothes that I didn't need and then I got the best jewelry ever. THE BEST. I've never been more excited or happier about a purchase. I got two bracelets, both gold, one is a cute normal golden one, and the other is also pretty and delicate but the charms are . . . PAC-MAN AND A GHOST. Yeah. I know. Greatness. At this point we all got pretty tired so we went back to the hotel and napped for little bit. 

best purchase ever 

After we napped and rallied we headed to meet Cathy again and go to some bars and get dinner. We went to one bar that was really cool and had great drinks for 4 euro during happy hour. After our first drink Kyle and Katie met up with us and we all got crepes next door, which were, of course, delicious. Then we went to another bar and got two huge pitchers of their house drink for real cheap. And those bad boys were strong. It was around this time that I heard my favorite French word, pamplemousse. It means grapefruit. After we drank those we decided that we wanted to go the Eiffel Tower with bottles of wine, so off we went. On the way there we stopped at little market and picked up our supplies: 3 bottles of wine, 1 bottle of champagne, and 2 boxes of chocolate cookies. Kyle got the strange combination of 2 coronas and a box of apple juice.

At this point in the night we all became ridiculous people and had way to much fun. We were crossing the street right in front of the Eiffel Tower and I almost got hit by a Prius. Kyle said that getting hit by a Prius would have been the worst way to die. But I said that I would have died at the bottom of the Eiffel Tower holding a bottle of wine and a box of chocolate cookies. Sounds like a damn good way to go out to me, especially if they left the Prius part out of the obituary. During this time Kyle also started putting his hand in every picture that I tried to take. So now I have 10 or 15 pictures of Kyle's hand in Paris. As for our time at the Eiffel Tower, I think that the pictures do a better job of showing rather than me telling. 

Dream Team 

She loves me, I swear. 

Bottle to the Face in front of
Eiffel Tower. Cause we're classy
like that. 

Le Tower 

just a great picture all the way around.

Lil' Babushka

Dancin' under the Eiffel Tower

Roomies

All of the wine in the world could not have kept us warm at the Eiffel Tower, although we tried. It was freezing! It had been chilly all day but it got really cold while we there. The whole thing felt like it was right out of a movie. When you see something so many times in pictures, movies, etc., it's hard to believe it's real when you're actually there. We left after we saw the Eiffel Tower sparkle. Lian and Jax decided to be good little girls and go home and sleep because we had a bus tour the next morning, but I went with Cathy to drop Kyle and Katie off at their hotel and then go to Montmartre, which overlooks all of Paris. On the metro we Cathy decided to lick me for no reason and it was not a pleasant experience. 

Ewwww. She definitely regretted that decision. 

Kyle thinking: How am I friends
 with these people? 

We found their hotel and dropped them both off. But on our way out we discovered that the floors of the hotel were covered with plastic because they re-painting the walls. For some reason we found it incredibly funny and Cathy wanted a picture with plastic, so I took one. Then on our way down the stairs Cathy kept saying that she felt like she was going to slip because the stairs were kind of steep and they circled around. I said that I love stairs like this because they're so much fun to skip down and that she was being silly for thinking she would slip. So I went to skip down the stairs . . . and on the first one my foot went out from under me and fell down the entire flight. I ate it so hard and it hurt so much. Karma is one nasty bitch. But I was laughing to hard to actually say how much it hurt. Five minutes later Kyle came out and saw me still sprawled out on the stairs and cathy sitting on the flight above me, both of us laughing hysterically. He then tells us that the walls are paper thin, he heard the whole thing, and we probably woke up everyone else in the hotel also. I apologize to everyone in that hotel, I would hate me too if I got woken up by that.

the plastic 

final landing postion, 10 points! 

ouch. 

Cathy and I made it out of the hotel and back on the metro without any further incident. Oh we also still had more than half a bottle of wine with us at this point. We got to Montmartre, which actually turns into a pretty sketchy area at night unbeknownst to us. Turns out a lot of sketchy groups of guys like to hang out up there and along the walk up. We decided that it was best not to talk on the way up so that we wouldn't stick out as much as Americans who weren't quite sure what they were doing. We got to the top without much of an incident, but then we heard footsteps running behind us. These two guys who had past kept trying to talk to us and would step in front of us when tried to pass. After a couple rounds of an awkward two step, we went down some stairs and they got the picture and left. We looked at the view for a couple of minutes and then we went back down to get take the metro home. We got down to the metro home plenty of time before it closed, but about 20 minutes later the cops came down and told us that it had closed. They were very nice though and told us where to go, etc. We went upstairs and got a cab. Of course the cabbie we got said he didn't know the area where Cathy lived, but then he figure it out. Or so we thought. He had no idea where he was going, which meant that he was just trying to screw us over. And you can't be a cab driver in Paris and not know the area that Cathy said. We got out, paid him the small fare that we owed him, and then tried to get another cab. Only no cab would pick us up. Not a single one. They were all either occupied or off-duty and we tried to wave down at least 30. How the hell can all these cabs be off-duty when the metro is closed and people are freezing their asses off? Don't they want that money? We weren't the only ones trying to get a cab either, there were a fair amount people trying. After an hour or trying we were both so cold we were shivering so went into a restaurant that was still open. We still had about a quarter of the bottle of wine left so we stashed it in some bushes before we went in. Yeah that wine is still probably in those bushes, we completely forgot about it. We sat down and got a hot fudge brownie and a creme brulee. What? We both had the drunchies and were freezing. While we were eating these two French boys at the table next to us started talking to us. One was clearly trashed but he was really entertaining. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. Then he said he wanted to have 7 kids and I said no wayy. He responds by saying, "Why? That's good for you, then you get to make sex 7 times!" We got divorced shortly after. Then the boys switched to being rude. They lost their funny-ness and just started mocking us with a hard edge. We had gotten an order of fries too (yeah i know i know, yet another reason why i'll be Hubert's size shortly), and they kept saying "o do you like french fries?" after while we were cleaning the plate, trying to be sarcastic. So I got sacastic back and said "no i hate them, thats why I just ate an entire plate." Cathy and I were trying to figure out when they flipped the switch, and then I realized that it was after the one I was talking to used some cheesy line and I said "you've got to be kidding be, that line doesn't actually work on girls does it?" He wasn't happy with that. Ohh weelllll not sorry for being honest.

Our new friends. Sort-of. 

In happier times, before the divorce. 

After we had warmed up and had eaten we went back out to try to find a cab again. Again we wandered for an hour. But this time it was only colder, so cold that Cathy started tearing up and my entire body was going numb. Finally I saw a green light far down the street we where on. At first I thought I was hallucinating but I ran to the center divider just in case it was a cab and not a figment of my imagination. It was one! I felt bad because I completely stole it from this guy. We had been following him and his girlfriend for about 30 min and they were also trying to find a cab. I actually sprinted down the center divider to beat him to the cab. I felt bad for about .124355 seconds until I realized that the cab was warm. We dropped Cathy off at her house and then I got dropped off at my hotel around 5 am. I had to be up and in the lobby ready to go at 9 am for the bus tour. 

8:30 am rolled around and my alarm went off. I was not a happy camper to hear that go off. I somehow managed to get ready for the tour, but every couple of minutes I had to sit down to regain my composure. I made it downstairs and sat down in the lobby while we waited for the rest of the girls to come back down. It was around this time that I decided there was no way I was about to do this bus tour. It was also foggy, rainy and cloudy out, so I didn't feel completely terrible missing it. It wasn't mandatory, but it had been in the trip package. Lian and Jax came downstairs, I told them I wasn't coming and then went to wait for the elevator. I heard Burgos (our program director) ask where I was going and the girls said I wasn't feeling well. After they said that I yelled out to him,"Burgos I'm too hungover, I'm not coming!" No sense in hiding it right? I didn't want to lie, especially when how terrible I felt was all my own fault. He then came over and asked if I was ok, and I told him I was just out too late the night before and really needed to sleep. He was such a sweetheart about it and told me that he could see if he could switch my tour to the next day and to feel better. I went upstairs and slept until 2 pm. 

After I woke up completely recovered I met Cathy and we wandered around some more, went into some stores, and went to her crepe man. Her crepe man should be super hero, his chicken and cheese crepe changed my life. We wandered some more and then met Lian and Jax to go to the top of the Montparnasse, which is this massive building across from the Eiffel Tower that has incredible views. We watched the sun set over Paris from the top and then went to dinner. We went to this random little place that we found that had great deals for a 3 course meal and Kyle and Katie met us there. I got escargot for my starter. About 10 minutes after getting it Lian asked if she could try a bite. I said sure and the realized that I had eaten all of it already. Oops sorry Lian! Then the older man at the table next to us asked the waitress to ask Kyle what "his scent" was because he wanted it. . . . Kyle wasn't wearing any cologne. The guy asked again because he didn't believe him, and again Kyle had to say he wasn't wearing one. For the rest of the meal the guy kept awkwardly sniffing Kyle. After dinner Kyle, Katie, Cathy and I went to the Arc de Triumph and the Champs-Elysees. In the Champs-Elysess is Laduree, the best macaroon place in the world. I had the salted caramel one and the orange blossom one. They were heaven and the best things I have ever eaten. Ever. I know I've said that a lot in this blog but these actually were. If anyone needs any gift ideas for me, get me some of these and I'll be the happiest girl in the world, not exaggerating. Just don't expect to share any.  Then I went home and slept so that I could get up early and not have to wait forever to get into the Lourve. 

View from the top

Escargot

The next day we all got up early and went to the Lourve to admire some art. We saw many famous works, like Mona Lisa and Victory. The architecture of the museum itself was one of my favorite parts. I also had some fun goofing around, because c'mon, we all know that's my normal state of being. 

He was such a hard ass. . hehehe

Then we met up with Cathy again and headed to the Eiffel Tower once more to see it during the day. When we got there there was a group of people learning the dance to MJ's Thriller and they were all wayy into it. A good-sized group of people had gathered around them to watch. I wonder how they decided to practice there, interesting choice. "What are you up to today?" "I'm going to go learn the dance to Thriller in front of the Eiffel Tower!" Sounds like a good time to me. After our daytime photo shoot Cathy, Katie, Kyle and I wandered for while. I had to be back in the hotel lobby at 6:30 to meet the group before the flight. But before I left I wanted one last crepe, so we waited in line at this crepe stand in the park. We had waited for a while when Cathy looked at the time and it was 6:10. I was a good 20 min metro ride away from the hotel, but we were next in line so I decided to wait. I got my crepe at 6:20, said bye to Kyle and Katie, and the booked it to the metro with Cathy. Luckily all my stuff was already packed and downstairs because we had had to checkout at 12. I called Lian and told her that I was on my way but that I was going to be late. I said goodbye to Cathy when she got off at her stop, it was 6:40. I got my stop at 6:45 and then had a 10 min walk to the hotel, so I ran it. I was in tights in a skirt and flats. I was trying to run as fast as I could while keeping my skirt down and my shoes on. I definitely flashed Paris a couple times. So now I've got two cities I've unintentionally flashed while abroad. Awesome. At one point a group of Asian tourists started taking pictures of me. I got to the hotel completely out of breath and frazzled, but it was fine because we were still waiting for other people and our transportation to the airport. And I know you're all wondering the same thing, was the crepe worth it? Absolutely. 

After I caught my breath I realized that other people in our group where freaking out. Turns out we didn't have cabs coming to take us to the airport. Burgos had called some but these girls didn't want to wait. We still had 3 hours until we had to be there. One group of girls hailed one outside, another group decided to wait for the one that was coming, and then somehow the rest of us got roped into wandering the streets for cab. Not standing in front of the hotel for one, even though thats where a lot of taxis go to get people. No, wandering the streets with all of our stuff. There were about 10 of us with Burgos. We were in a pretty sketch area, and with my history with cabs in Paris I had feeling this wouldn't end well. We ended up getting on the metro (Lian, Jax and I had wanted to in the first place and then take it to the train to the airport but other people said it was "too complicated") to take it to a bus that would go the airport. People were mad about taking the bus because it cost 10 euros. . which is about how much a cab would have cost. At this point I started to get a little nervous about making the flight, but not really, because what happens if we miss the flight? Oh no! we're stuck in Paris an extra night! bummer. Once down in the metro, we all got in one metro car, and as we're going we ask what stop we should get off at. Through out this whole thing these girls are having coronaries, acting as if their lives are going to end, and that Burgos is Satan reincarnated for not fixing it. I was gonna hit a bitch soon if I heard one more person whine, so I told Lian that I knew how to get to and take the train because Cathy had explain it to me, but we had to get off at the next stop. We get to the next stop, Lian looks around and says we're going, and then gets off. I followed her out. This causes chaos on the metro as girls are running off, knocking people over, and Burgos is just sitting there looking so confused. Lian and I just kept going without looking back, and Jax and Sarah caught up to us. Us four then made it to the metro transfer, while everyone else stayed and figured out how to get to the bus. We got off the metro and then went to our connection for the train. Turns out our Metro day pass, that was only 3 euros, worked for the train to the airport too, so we didn't have to pay any extra. We texted Burgos to tell him what we where doing, and to apologize for leaving him alone with all of the girls who ready to eat him alive. Then we took our nice, relaxing train ride to the airport and got there an half-hour before boarding. The other girls who took the 10 euro bus got there just as we were getting on the airport bus to take us to the plane. 

I loved Paris and thought it was a beautiful city. And now I can't wait for a one Cathy Childs to come see me in Madrid this week and weekend. And Katherine's coming. And Laura. Shit's about to get real crazy up in here.